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How to Get Fierd

In: Other Topics

Submitted By harrydale
Words 798
Pages 4
There are many different reasons why someone could get fired, but they all share a common process. Personally, I have never been fired, and I have no intention to do so in the near future. Through my experiences working, I have encountered several employees who were far from deserving of a job. The majority of these unworthy workers have had a common goal, which was to get fired. You too can get fired and keep the Welfare System working in your favor! These employees have taught me that there is a strategic process to getting fired, which can sometimes have very few steps. The first step in getting fired is to arrive to work late. There are to be no exceptions to this rule. You are expected to be late even on your orientation day. As a general rule, the later you are, the more pleased your employer will be with you, and the greater chance you have of having your employed status revoked. If possible, try to think of a witty excuse for your tardiness, such as “I was at my probation officer’s office,” or “You didn’t tell me I was supposed to come in today. Thankfully, I looked at the schedule. If I hadn’t, you just would have had to go on without me.” After arriving late to work, the second step is to stay off task as much as possible. Completely disregard any orders from your manager or supervisor. If there is a phone accessible, it is highly recommended that you use it for as many unnecessary, personal phone calls as possible. If a customer tries to divert your attention from your private phone call, be sure to tell him or her that you are extremely busy, and continue talking on the phone. Surely, they will understand and if you impress them enough, they might even talk to your manager and let them know what a great job you are doing. Other suggested activities which are certain to boost your approval rating are inviting your friends to your place of business so you can have lengthy conversations with them, reading the magazines on the magazine rack while you’re supposed to be cleaning, and blatantly disobeying any and all instructions given by management. It’s always helpful to insult your manager’s authority. The easiest way to do this is to raise your voice when speaking to them, and tell them that they are wrong. You must always act as if you have had more training and experience than them. Even though they are almost certain to be right, you should still yell at them, and promise them that you know what you are doing. Your manager will soon realize what a great worker you are, and he or she will see that you are great with taking orders from those superior to you. I promise you, this method is foolproof and highly recommended. When you have already pleased your boss so much at work, there is only one more thing that can be done to make him or her admire you. You must not show up for work at all. Calling in or giving advance notification of your absence is completely uncalled for, and is in fact frowned upon in most places of employment. However, if you do feel the urge to tell your boss that you will not be coming in to work, it is vital that you are completely honest. This means that if you are planning to go to a party and drink until your blood alcohol concentration level is higher than your IQ level you should definitely tell your boss. Your sincerity will make your boss proud, and he or she will know that you are an honest employee that can be counted on at all times. To further your great attendance record, two or more days in a row of not calling out and not showing up will surely get you the attention you deserve. If two days in a row isn’t quite your style, make sure you don’t show up for two weekends in a row. Either way, you’re certain to impress not only your manager, but also your co-workers who have to pick up the slack. In conclusion, there is a loose process to getting fired. Arriving late, slacking off, and not showing up at all are great ways to let your supervisor know that you are serious about getting fired. If at first your boss does not notice your hard attempts, keep trying; your work will not go unrecognized. So many people today are complaining about how horrible work is. If you are determined enough, getting fired can be an easy and fun activity that will ensure that you never have another bad day at work again.…...

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